Parenting Daily

I’ve previously talked about the “monkey see, monkey do” principal in parenting, as well as the importance of being a good role model. In a study released by the Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration today, it is revealed that in youth ages 12-20 that had drank alcohol in the previous 30 days, 40% obtained it for free, from adults over the age of 21.

6.4% of those got it, for free, from their parents.

30% drank in their own homes.

The rate of drinking was highest at the extremes of the wealth spectrum (i.e., the poorest and the richest).

11% of 12 year olds in the survey had had alcohol. 85.5% of 20 year olds had.

Frankly, I feel like putting exclamation points after every finding that I’m typing. These numbers are blowing even me away and I’m pretty darn cynical at this point.

Being a parent, I hate to harp on “it’s the parents’ fault.” But there’s just simply too little accountability in many cases of parenting. Certainly not all.

Just, please, if you see your teen is developing a problem behavior or issue, look at yourself, too. I’m not saying BLAME yourself. But if you can identify where, perhaps, the problem is stemming from, you then have a clue as to how to help your teen heal the problem.

The full SAMHSA press release can be found here. A CNN summary can be found here.

And, for the punishment-hungry, the entire SAMHSA study can be dissected here.

In a study conducted in
Germany, adolescents were weighed and questions about their perceptions relating to their weight and their quality of life were asked.

It’s probably no surprise to mothers of teen girls that they feel a lot of pressure to look a certain way. We hear a lot in the news and tabloids about celebs who are super-slim, who lose weight incredibly fast (even after pregnancy!), and usually without much documented struggle.

In the German study (PDF), 6669 youth, ages 11-17 were measured for height and weight. Of the youth surveyed, approximately 17% fit the criteria for being overweight.

However, when you look at perceptions, 55% of teen girls in the study thought they were overweight. Almost as shocking, 36% of teen boys thought they were overweight.

What’s more interesting is that these perceptions might have more to do with whether teens feel they have a good quality of life than the reality. Which means, if a teen girl of average height and weight BELIEVES she is overweight and BELIEVES this has an impact on her quality of life, she will feel less “good” about her life.

Whereas, a teen girl who is actually overweight and who may believe it doesn’t have an effect on her quality of life, may have a better feeling about her life.

Same goes for boys.

Lest you think this is only true for German youth, similar studies have been done in the U.S. and
Australia with similar results.

So, Moms and Dads, if you ever needed a good reason to help encourage positive self image in your teens, this is it.

One of my favorite websites (if you’ve been paying attention, you’ve noticed I’ve highlighted them several times in the last few days!), PsychCentral.com, wrote an article about an experiment in discouraging drunk driving.

It backfired. Big time.

I understand the concept. Make an impact by making “it” relevant to the students. You can probably still name some of the popular kids you went to high school with. The jocks or the academic stars, or whoever. There were certain kids who just stood out.

So this school in California uses this to its advantage. It thinks. One Monday morning, several of the most well-known students are absent from classes. A law enforcement officer visits classrooms and lets the other students know that these students were killed in a drunken driving accident over the weekend.

What do you think happens next?

Confusion, sadness, anger, shock… all the first emotions before the grieving process begins. Students are very, very distraught. There’s crying in the hallways, in the classrooms, students wanting to talk to the on-staff counselors. No one is getting anything done and it’s all anyone can talk about.

Can you guess the twist here?

The reportedly dead students are just fine. The school planned to reveal this during an assembly later in the day but moved the revelation up a bit because of the state of the student body.

Wow.

And the school defends itself in this CNN article. I really do understand that there are good intentions behind it. But a real lack of foresight, too!

If you don’t know it yet, peers are the most important thing in adolescents’ lives. Take away their peers and you take away part of what they think is their identity. Is it mature? No. But it’s part of adolescence.

What do you all think?

This could be an incredibly controversial post. I’m going to post it anyway and make clear that I’m not recommending you do or don’t do this. I see both sides of it, the same way I see both sides on the topic of condom distribution in public schools. One side would say, “They’re going to do it anyway, we may as well encourage them to be safe.” The other side says, “That sends the message that we’re condoning the activity.”

This week I read an article that summarizes the results of a study about reducing harm in college students who choose to drink. Though the study was performed on 247 college-age students, I think the results can still apply to teenagers.

Some teenagers are going to choose to drink, no matter what they say, pledge, what your family’s values are, or which extracurricular activities they are involved in. Similarly, some teenagers may never express a desire to remain sober but will do so, regardless of peer pressure or any opportunities they have to drink alcohol.

So as I present some of the findings of the “safer drinking” study, it will be up to you if you think it’s worth a conversation with your teen. It doesn’t have to mean that you’re condoning underage drinking (or any age drinking) but some parents may find it worth talking about in this age of hearing about people dying from binge drinking.

Some of the strategies to reduce harmful effects while drinking:

*eating before and during the drinking period

*drinking slowly

*plan your transportation before hand (akin to designating a driver)

*travel in pairs (the buddy system worked when they were in elementary school and it’s still prudent!)

*limit the cash you carry, take no credit/debit/ATM cards

*doing activities in-between drinks such as playing pool, dancing, etc.

Strategies to reduce harmful effects from drinking are not new. More strategies can be found at this site for HAMS (Harm Reduction Abstinence Moderation Support). HAMS has also published this guide on safe drinking for college students.

Comments welcome!

There are some things that teens are doing that parents may wonder, “Is that okay? Should I be concerned?” I always encourage parents to listen to their guts—if they are very suspicious about something, there may be good reason. But other times, it may just be lack of information or familiarity with something that leads parents to worry. Below are some trends that I, personally and professionally, think are okay for teens. Remember, though, that your household is your household. If you feel strongly that something is not okay, you have the right to enforce that in your home. I’m just offering a different perspective and opinion to consider.

1. Vitamins    

Vitamins are good for everyone! A good, daily multi-vitamin is recommended for nearly anyone 2 years old and older. If you’re concerned, call your family doctor and double-check. What you should be concerned with is supplements. Most kids, if they are eating a well-balanced diet and taking a basic multivitamin, do not need any sorts of supplements unless they are suggested by their doctors. Do the research yourself, though, if your teen has a bottle of something you’re not familiar with. Don’t be afraid to banish something that is unnecessary or makes outlandish promises of weight loss, clear skin, muscle building, etc.

2. Water        

As long as your (or their) wallet can handle the price of the expensive bottled waters out there, it’s fine. There are “green” considerations, though—all the plastic from all those water bottles are taking over our landfills. Some of the flavored waters actually have a lot of sugar and/or carbohydrates in them that are unnecessary. But regular bottled water, though probably no better than tap water, probably won’t hurt your teen. It’s a bit of a status symbol for teens but drinking water is a good habit for picky teens.

3. Tea             

There are lots of articles out there about the benefits of tea (black, green, white, and oolong). There is some caffeine in tea, which can be a concern for parents. But it’s less than ½ the amount found in a cup of coffee and certainly less than in cans of Mountain Dew or other energy drinks.

4. Reading     

One of the greatest gifts my mother gave me was a love of reading. One way she did this was to never censor the books I chose. I’m sure there were times when she thought, “What is that?!” but she kept her mouth shut. For her, it was more important to encourage and develop that love of reading than to discourage it by telling me I couldn’t read this or that. It’s a principle that I agree with and plan to follow with my own daughter.

5. Music         

This is probably one of my more controversial views. I do not think there’s any point to censoring the type of music your teen listens to. Note that I said “teen”. I do not think it’s appropriate for toddlers and elementary students to listen to gangster rap that’s full of words you don’t want them repeating. They don’t have filters developed yet to know what is appropriate and what isn’t. By adolescence, if your teen is still impressionable enough to be persuaded that song lyrics equate with real life, you have bigger problems than the music itself. However, I am not saying that you should turn a deaf ear to your teen blaring their preferred music any time they wish. If their preferred music isn’t your type of preferred music, you need to establish those limits with them. I, personally, can’t stand loud music. Headphones were invented for a reason!

6. Writing      

Teenagers feel strong and confusing emotions during adolescence. For a lot of them, they feel they have no one they can really trust with their innermost thoughts. Therefore, writing becomes an escape. I see a lot of teen boys who express these thing through writing song lyrics or through drawing and doodling. Teen girls tend to prefer journaling (diaries) and poetry. **DISCLAIMER** A pattern of violent drawings, “hit lists” (where kids list everyone they would kill), and writing about lots of violent things can be strong indications that your teen needs professional evaluations and help by a psychologist and/or therapist. Please do not ignore that kind of writing/drawing/doodling. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

When a colleague first asked me if I’d heard of garage hopping, I immediately conjured up pictures of little garage parties full of underage drinkers. I figured it would be akin to the bar hopping that legal adults indulge in—spending a night going from bar to bar, usually imbibing in far too much alcohol, intended to keep the party fresh and meeting new people all night long. Garage hopping seemed like an underage drinker’s alternative.

I was wrong. Garage hopping actually does involve partying, teens, and alcohol… but not in the same manner as bar hopping. Garage hopping is happening all over
America and you need to know about it so you can take measures to stop it from happening at your house.

Typically, it involves garage refrigerators—you know, the extra fridge that holds the surplus items. Extra pop, food, and usually alcohol. Since teens usually have access to their own garage, this is an easy way to score beers (or other alcohol) a few at a time. When a group of teenagers each collects a few from each garage, they can then meet up and share their spoils and have themselves a nice little underage drinking party.

It’s not limited to their own households, either. In some places of the world, people keep their garages open, sometimes all night. Bad idea. Teens scope these open garages out and have no problem walking into them and taking any alcohol they can find in the fridge. In fact, that’s often the preferred method. Why risk getting caught by Mom and Dad if you can commit an actual crime (theft, criminal mischief)… so that you can commit another crime (minor consuming).

If you live in
Florida, there is also a law that presumes that any one who forcibly enters your property is there to hurt you or kill you and the property owner with a gun is allowed to shoot you. There may be similar laws in other states.

A few “free” beers aren’t worth the possibility of getting caught and charged with a crime or ending up dead. Warn your teens of the possible consequences. Lock your garage, and lock your fridge if you need to.

Over the last five years, energy drinks have grown very popular—especially among teens and young adults. The energy allegedly comes from a variety of ingredients—caffeine or similar derivatives, the calories from sugar (obviously, this doesn’t apply to the sugar-free varieties), ginkgo biloba, ginseng, guarana, Vitamin B, and many other exotic sounding things. Whether they actually produce the energy they claim or not is debatable—some studies say they do, others say they do not. Either way, teens are consuming them in mass quantities.

The idea of drinking different kinds of soft drinks with lots of caffeine is not new—I remember when I was growing up, a soft drink called “Jolt” (click here for more on Jolt Cola) was all the rage because it advertised that it had twice the caffeine of other soft drinks. The one time I dared to try it, when I was about 13 years old, I could barely stomach the awful-tasting concoction. Similarly, we’ve probably all known people who seem to ingest mass quantities of one type or another of Mountain Dew. Red Bull is another energy drink, the one that seems to have spurred the recent boom in energy drink creation. The popularity of Red Bull is probably due in part to the extensive marketing campaign aimed at young adults who want to drink alcohol and prolong the party by not getting tired too quickly.

One reason these energy drinks (click here for general info on energy drinks) are so popular with teens is because many teens do not get enough sleep. Most teens need 8-10 hours of sleep but they don’t get it because their circadian rhythms (what helps us get sleepy at night and feel more awake in daylight) are a little off. Teen’s nighttime sleepiness doesn’t usually take effect until 11pm-1am. But most schools start between 7:30-8:30am, which leaves most teens getting at least a couple hours less sleep than they need. Add energy drinks to their growing sleep debt and a damaging cycle of hyper alertness and crashing is put into motion (click here for a Fox News report on this cycle). Additional information on helping your teen get more sleep can be found here.

Another reason energy drinks appeal to teenagers is because of intentional marketing to draw teens in. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that the makers of energy drinks are running a business. Their business is to get people to buy their products. The energy drink companies are doing a great job of it. I harbor no ill-will towards them. That’s why it is our job, as parents of teens, to regulate how much of the drinks they imbibe. Just because a drink promises to help you stay up and play video games all night or your favorite celebrities are seen with the drinks, doesn’t mean teens have to drink them all the time. As with most things in life, moderation is key! Nutritional information on many energy drinks can be found here.