Jun 27 2008
Who’s More Difficult? Teen Guys or Girls?
Though I have not finished raising my child (do we ever?), I’ve worked with literally hundreds of teenagers in the last decade. Of course, it should be said that I was dealing with a pretty narrow segment of the teen population—the ones typically referred to as troubled, at-risk, developmentally disabled, emotionally disabled, special needs, learning disabled, and/or behaviorally dysfunctional.
But in the majority of cases, these teens were no different than others. Even the most challenged of teens I’ve worked with goes through the same types of adolescent development.
They deal with different friendship groups as they get older or change schools, they have romantic and sexual interest, they’re adjusting to their changing hormones and bodies, they’re striving to be more independent while still having to deal with the fact that are legally minors.
So when I saw this CNN article on the differences between raising boys and girls, I tried to think about my general impressions of my male and female clients. The differences, off the top of my head, are kind of cliché.
Girls seem to be involved in constant drama. Not just romantic drama but lots and lots of “frenemy” drama. Meaning, one minute a group of girls is as tight as can be, then one or two are either singled out as a target for the group or a sub-group forms, lots of in-fighting occurs, etc.
Luckily, most of the drama is short-lived, but intense while it lasts.
As for my work with male teens, I’ve also seen clichés. In general, they haven’t wanted to sit and focus on a therapy session and open up much more when the setting seems more casual (taking a walk, playing basketball, etc. are good ways to get teen boys to feel a bit more comfortable). While they value their friends as much as girls do, they seem far more casual about that, too. Flare-ups occasionally happen but it’s usually just one-on-one and not group-to-one situations.
Now to compare how the CNN article compares to my own general observations. According to the article, boys are harder to discipline. Boys are also more difficult to keep physically safe (all those risk-taking behaviors!).
Communication is different at different times. At first, boys are more difficult to communicate with. Later, girls become more difficult to communicate with (from the age of 8 on).
Developing good self-esteem is harder in girls. School is harder for boys, especially early on (perhaps because of their desire to be physically active!).
The article concludes with saying, in general, boys are harder to raise early on, while girls become the big challenge from the pre-teen years on up.
Have you noticed similarities or differences to my observations or the article’s findings? Leave your comments below!
One Response to “Who’s More Difficult? Teen Guys or Girls?”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Not A Member? Register for Free!
I do agree with your comments. I have 2 boys and a girl. My oldest son, 21, although chronically shy very young, was a breeze, and is now a confident young man.
My second child, a daughter, now 13, has from very young made me feel very inept as a mother. She constantly pushes my buttons and as you said, there is always drama. I would say that the last year has been the most difficult, and I CANNOT WAIT until she snaps out of it. I have even resorted to therapy to help me deal with her.
My youngest son, 11, is very loving and for the most part easy. The only issue with him is that he fights a lot with his 13 yr old sister. It is a constant battle between them. Causes a lot of stress for me and my husband.
But at the end of the day, I love them to death, and there are a lot of good times. I guess what I’m saying is that even with all that drama, I wouldn’t change my family for anything else.
Thank you.