Parenting Daily

I really enjoyed collecting news involving teens and teen issues yesterday, so I’m going to do that again today.

Today we’re starting with a topic brought about by the alleged pregnancy pact in Massachusetts (17 girls pregnant at the same time in one particular high school). This site has a list of good talking points for your kids on the issue of teen pregnancy. Check it out whether you’ve got sons or daughters!

Remember how we talked teens who exercise smoke less? Well, in keeping with our nation’s obesity problems, fewer teens must be getting physically active. This article in the Washington Post talks about how the many-years trend of decreasing smoking behaviors among teens has hit a plateau.

More sad summer news. It seems a lot of attention is given to drowning when it involves toddlers and elementary age children. We tend to think that teens know better, unless they’re in an ocean and a shark attacks. In this case, this 16 year old and friends were trying to swim in a river and ended up drowning. Also worth talking to your teen about.

It’s always thoroughly refreshing, for me, when I hear about teen males who read! I’ve really had very little success inspiring teen boys to read for pleasure. Anyway, check out this teen’s reading interests and maybe you’ll come up with some insight into your own teen’s reading habits.

Aha! An upside to the gas crunch! Although, this would have been highly depressing for me when I was a teen! Cruising around with my friends once I had my license was such sweet freedom!

Enjoy your reading and let me know if you have any tips on news involving teens or their parents!

I’m starting a new feature for the blog-a teen news roundup. All the best news featuring regular teens, celebrity teens, and issues involving teens. I’ll still do my daily posts on specific topics but there’s so much out there, I don’t want you to miss it all! I’ve been trying to highlight different news items each day but they’re just piling up too quickly. I’m not sure yet how often I’ll do a News Round-up. Maybe every few days, maybe once a week. At any rate, I’m excited about this new feature and I hope you enjoy it, as well!

First up, if you’ve turned on the news today, you’ve probably heard about the tragic freak accident involving a teen at an amusement park. He apparently lost his ball cap and hopped a fence to enter a restricted and dangerous area, in the hopes of retrieving his hat. He was decapitated in the process. Full story is available here.

Last week, NBC launched its controversial reality television show “The Baby Borrowers.” Did you watch it? I remember hearing about the concept of this show a year or so ago and being appalled by it. Knowing how scared I was just to leave my daughter in daycare, I couldn’t imagine there were really parents who would allow their precious babies to be taken care of by teens they know nothing about. The reality of the show seems far less frightening than I had originally anticipated. The parents were able to observe all interactions and intervene if they felt necessary. At any rate, here’s more on the show, as well as a slideshow of other entertainment “talking points” your teen may be commenting on this week.

Unfortunately, this is another sad story involving a couple of teens who were doing something good for their community: cleaning up the highways. Read more by clicking here.  

Finally, on a lighter note, remember how we’ve talked about texting? Well, this teen takes it to a whole new (not sexually explicit!) level. It’s impressive, if only due to sheer numbers. Check out the story here and then enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Though I have not finished raising my child (do we ever?), I’ve worked with literally hundreds of teenagers in the last decade. Of course, it should be said that I was dealing with a pretty narrow segment of the teen population—the ones typically referred to as troubled, at-risk, developmentally disabled, emotionally disabled, special needs, learning disabled, and/or behaviorally dysfunctional.

But in the majority of cases, these teens were no different than others. Even the most challenged of teens I’ve worked with goes through the same types of adolescent development.

They deal with different friendship groups as they get older or change schools, they have romantic and sexual interest, they’re adjusting to their changing hormones and bodies, they’re striving to be more independent while still having to deal with the fact that are legally minors.

So when I saw this CNN article on the differences between raising boys and girls, I tried to think about my general impressions of my male and female clients. The differences, off the top of my head, are kind of cliché.

Girls seem to be involved in constant drama. Not just romantic drama but lots and lots of “frenemy” drama. Meaning, one minute a group of girls is as tight as can be, then one or two are either singled out as a target for the group or a sub-group forms, lots of in-fighting occurs, etc.

Luckily, most of the drama is short-lived, but intense while it lasts.

As for my work with male teens, I’ve also seen clichés. In general, they haven’t wanted to sit and focus on a therapy session and open up much more when the setting seems more casual (taking a walk, playing basketball, etc. are good ways to get teen boys to feel a bit more comfortable). While they value their friends as much as girls do, they seem far more casual about that, too. Flare-ups occasionally happen but it’s usually just one-on-one and not group-to-one situations.

Now to compare how the CNN article compares to my own general observations. According to the article, boys are harder to discipline. Boys are also more difficult to keep physically safe (all those risk-taking behaviors!).

Communication is different at different times. At first, boys are more difficult to communicate with. Later, girls become more difficult to communicate with (from the age of 8 on).

Developing good self-esteem is harder in girls. School is harder for boys, especially early on (perhaps because of their desire to be physically active!).

The article concludes with saying, in general, boys are harder to raise early on, while girls become the big challenge from the pre-teen years on up.

Have you noticed similarities or differences to my observations or the article’s findings? Leave your comments below!

I’ve previously talked about the “monkey see, monkey do” principal in parenting, as well as the importance of being a good role model. In a study released by the Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration today, it is revealed that in youth ages 12-20 that had drank alcohol in the previous 30 days, 40% obtained it for free, from adults over the age of 21.

6.4% of those got it, for free, from their parents.

30% drank in their own homes.

The rate of drinking was highest at the extremes of the wealth spectrum (i.e., the poorest and the richest).

11% of 12 year olds in the survey had had alcohol. 85.5% of 20 year olds had.

Frankly, I feel like putting exclamation points after every finding that I’m typing. These numbers are blowing even me away and I’m pretty darn cynical at this point.

Being a parent, I hate to harp on “it’s the parents’ fault.” But there’s just simply too little accountability in many cases of parenting. Certainly not all.

Just, please, if you see your teen is developing a problem behavior or issue, look at yourself, too. I’m not saying BLAME yourself. But if you can identify where, perhaps, the problem is stemming from, you then have a clue as to how to help your teen heal the problem.

The full SAMHSA press release can be found here. A CNN summary can be found here.

And, for the punishment-hungry, the entire SAMHSA study can be dissected here.

In a study conducted in
Germany, adolescents were weighed and questions about their perceptions relating to their weight and their quality of life were asked.

It’s probably no surprise to mothers of teen girls that they feel a lot of pressure to look a certain way. We hear a lot in the news and tabloids about celebs who are super-slim, who lose weight incredibly fast (even after pregnancy!), and usually without much documented struggle.

In the German study (PDF), 6669 youth, ages 11-17 were measured for height and weight. Of the youth surveyed, approximately 17% fit the criteria for being overweight.

However, when you look at perceptions, 55% of teen girls in the study thought they were overweight. Almost as shocking, 36% of teen boys thought they were overweight.

What’s more interesting is that these perceptions might have more to do with whether teens feel they have a good quality of life than the reality. Which means, if a teen girl of average height and weight BELIEVES she is overweight and BELIEVES this has an impact on her quality of life, she will feel less “good” about her life.

Whereas, a teen girl who is actually overweight and who may believe it doesn’t have an effect on her quality of life, may have a better feeling about her life.

Same goes for boys.

Lest you think this is only true for German youth, similar studies have been done in the U.S. and
Australia with similar results.

So, Moms and Dads, if you ever needed a good reason to help encourage positive self image in your teens, this is it.

The parents of so-called “troubled youth” can find themselves struggling to maintain an atmosphere of normalcy for their children. Often times, they get used to hearing what their children cannot do or what they are not doing well. When a parent is able to expose their children to summer camps that fit their specific needs, it is a relief.

So what exactly is a troubled child? A troubled child is merely a challenged child. These challenges can include: ADD/ADHD, autism, Asperger’s, emotional and behavioral struggles, and learning challenges.

Since 2.5 million U.S. children are currently taking stimulant medication to treat ADD/ADHD, it is appropriate to start with a camp for them. One is SOAR, with programs in multiple locations (NC, WY, FL, CA, Costa Rica, and adding Belize in 2009). SOAR stands for Success Oriented Achievement Realized, and serves youth ages 8-18, in a kindly, supportive manner. Campers may have diagnoses in ADD/ADHD, as well as a full range of other learning challenges.

Admissions Director and former practicing psychologist, Richard Lance, is proud of the approach SOAR takes to helping youth. The camp philosophy is based on a Stanford University study and the concept of letting children learn through the joyous process of discovery. Emphasis is not on criticism but on what is done well—something that may be sorely lacking in other environments. Attention is brought to self-awareness and helping kids pick up on social cues without badgering, nagging, or embarrassment.

Mr. Lance was able to confirm there are still openings for 2008 camps and the quickest way to get registered is through the website. They are also currently taking applications for a winter program in the Florida Keys. A scholarship program for next summer will open for applications in March 2009, though it never hurts to ask if there is still financial assistance available for this year.

The Learning Camp in Vail,Colorado, sits on 35 gorgeous acres. Also for children with focus issues, as well as learning disabilities, this camp was founded by a mother who had trouble finding a camp for her own child 15 years ago. The camp serves ages 7-14, is co-ed, and only hires professionals to work with the children in a 3:1, camper to staff ratio. There is an individualized academic focus to help keep your child on track (or catch up!) during the summer, as well as the full range of typical summer camp activities. Through the Learning Foundation, some scholarships are available for campers, but the deadline has passed for 2008. However, there are still sessions available this summer, so check out their website.

Camp Starfish, located in Massachusetts, serves youth ages 7-15, including emotionally and behaviorally challenged youth. Though the camp does not include therapeutic services, they are accustomed to dealing with kids who have or are in counseling and special needs programs at home. One of the stand-out details of this camp is the 1:1 camper to staff ratio. This ratio can be very reassuring for parents.

A couple of years ago, I attempted to start an online counseling practice. I loved the concept, I loved the idea of bringing in supplemental income, and I loved the idea of maybe someday being able to work full-time from home.

I do now work from home, but in a different capacity. The online counseling practice never took off. In the six months that I tried, I only had one paying customer, but several who I gave free introductory sessions to.

I still think there’s a market for online counseling. At the time I was trying to make a go of it, I just didn’t have the time to promote it and do what needed to be done. But this idea has been used successfully with a teenager.

The article is short but the main idea is that, in this technologically advanced day, there’s no reason not to embrace the technology that teens are already using.

I’ve said it before—teens are notorious for having little trust in adults. In an environment like a traditional counseling office, it can be difficult to get a teenager to open up. And let’s face it, some things are just hard to say when you’re looking directly at a person.

Enter email. If you have a teen that needs some counseling services but they’re hesitant to attend, present the email option. There are lots of services available online at different price points. If you’d rather go local, make some calls to local counselors/therapists/psychologists and see if any of them would be willing to do some non-traditional services via email. It’s worth a shot!

If any of you have experience with online counseling services, I’d love to hear about it!

One of my favorite websites (if you’ve been paying attention, you’ve noticed I’ve highlighted them several times in the last few days!), PsychCentral.com, wrote an article about an experiment in discouraging drunk driving.

It backfired. Big time.

I understand the concept. Make an impact by making “it” relevant to the students. You can probably still name some of the popular kids you went to high school with. The jocks or the academic stars, or whoever. There were certain kids who just stood out.

So this school in California uses this to its advantage. It thinks. One Monday morning, several of the most well-known students are absent from classes. A law enforcement officer visits classrooms and lets the other students know that these students were killed in a drunken driving accident over the weekend.

What do you think happens next?

Confusion, sadness, anger, shock… all the first emotions before the grieving process begins. Students are very, very distraught. There’s crying in the hallways, in the classrooms, students wanting to talk to the on-staff counselors. No one is getting anything done and it’s all anyone can talk about.

Can you guess the twist here?

The reportedly dead students are just fine. The school planned to reveal this during an assembly later in the day but moved the revelation up a bit because of the state of the student body.

Wow.

And the school defends itself in this CNN article. I really do understand that there are good intentions behind it. But a real lack of foresight, too!

If you don’t know it yet, peers are the most important thing in adolescents’ lives. Take away their peers and you take away part of what they think is their identity. Is it mature? No. But it’s part of adolescence.

What do you all think?

Families today can be categorized into two types: traditional and non-traditional (not really, but for simplicity’s sake, I’m gonna stick with two types!). I define the traditional family as being a married man and woman with one or more children, domesticated pets, and a white picket fence. Hmmm maybe I’ve been watching too many old sitcoms.

The non-traditional family is everything else (my family included!). Single parents, step-parents, gay married partners, people who just commit to each other with out the legal protection of marriage, grandparents raising their grandchildren, etc.

No matter what a family looks like, the studies that have been done on the breakdown of who takes which tasks in a household stays pretty much the same: women do about twice as much of the housework as men. Even if it’s a stay-at-home-dad situation!

This kind of blew me away.

This PsychCentral article and this New York Times Magazine article talk about the phenomenon of “shared parenting.” The concept of shared parenting is to be complete equals in regards to the marriage, work, raising the family, etc. The sole responsibility for any one thing does not fall on either mom or dad’s shoulders. They are both equally responsible for everything.

In concept, I think it’s great. In reality, I think our society would have a lot of un-learning and re-learning to do, in order for this to become the reality for most families. And, frankly, I don’t think many families would even want things to be completely even.

I’ll just speak for myself but I’m more comfortable with a marriage/family relationship in which whoever is best equipped to handle certain things takes responsibility for them. And if there’s too much for one person, then the other people in the household need to step up and help out. If no one is particularly skilled or apt to handle something, then a decision needs to be made about who’s going to learn to deal with it, or everyone needs to take turns.

At any rate, I present the concept for you to consider in your own family, as well as for what you’re consciously and unconsciously instilling in your teens. If you want a teen boy to be more of an “equal” partner in his future household, you probably shouldn’t let him get out of doing all the chores.

Similarly, if you have a teen daughter who you want to be able to fix her own car without relying on a man or whoever, you should probably be helping her to acquire those skills or help her to problem-solve how she would handle car repairs.

The links again: NY Times Magazine article and the PsychCentral article.

Many teenagers who have ADHD have had the diagnosis for awhile. If this is true for your teen, you may already have settled upon an intervention that works. Other children, however, go many years of not being properly diagnosed or evaluated for ADHD and receive the diagnosis in their adolescence.

According to this article 2.5 million children in the U.S. take stimulant drugs to control the effects of ADHD. But, in recent years, attention has been given to potential side effects from ADHD stimulants: decreased appetite, weight loss, sudden death and heart attacks.

Speaking from professional experience, I have seen dramatic effects when kids start a stimulant regimen and/or when they are taken off of it. The appetite side effect is the big one—I’ve often advised that kids eat their breakfast before they take their stimulant because they often can’t stomach it for a few hours afterwards.

I’ve also seen kids pack on the pounds once they’re taken off stimulant medication.

At any rate, some parents would like to try things other than stimulant drugs. Some of the alternatives tried include: no additive diets, using herbal therapies, yoga, massage, and diets rich in omega-3 fatty acids (fish).

According to a New York Times article “A review last year in the journal Pediatric Clinics of North America concluded that a “growing body of evidence” supported the use of such supplements for children with A.D.H.D.” 

Another diet change that some parents have implemented is no or low sugar diets. But apparently the effect of sugar on behavior is more the perception of the parent, rather than the reality. Studies have shown that sugar does not have a significant impact on children’s behavior.  

The no-additive diet may have hope, as well. In a six-week study, children who were put on a non-additive diet and later given a drink with additives did show an increase in hyperactive behaviors. 

It seems that if you want to investigate alternatives to stimulant drugs to treat ADHD, there are some promising studies. But do the research and don’t rely on just one person’s opinion. Also, whatever you choose, give it time to work. Even prescription drugs can take 6-12 weeks to reach full effects or show noticeable change in patients. 

What do you think? Have you tried any alternatives for treating ADHD?