Parenting Daily

Many times when I’ve been working with teens and their parents, the parents will list their grievances with their teen. These frequently include: they don’t listen, they smoke cigarettes, they cuss, and all they want to do is watch t.v. or play video games. Because I’ve worked extensively in the homes of these families, I get a different perspective of what is really going on. I see what the family has, which gives me a clue to their priorities (are they saying they’re financially strapped but they have a 52 inch plasma t.v. and designer clothes while the kids are on free lunches?) and to their “real world” behaviors. True, having a professional in your home isn’t going to always lead to people acting *exactly* like they would any other time, but it’s still closer to their natural behavior than if they’re sitting in a clinical office with you.

 What I’ve come to understand in the past few years is that trying to tell a teen to not do something DOES NOT WORK if they see/hear their own parents doing it every day. If Mom and Dad don’t watch their language around the kids, there’s a pretty good chance the kids aren’t going to, either. If Mom and Dad smoke cigarettes, there’s a good chance their teen isn’t going to take the no smoking rule seriously, either.

This applies in more serious matters, as well. If parents are involved in domestic violence at home, they shouldn’t be surprised if their own kids get into physical fights at school or with their own boyfriends/girlfriends. If kids hear that their parents don’t respect authority, the kids aren’t going to respect their principals, teachers, etc.

A good friend of mine strongly believes that, for the most part, what one does in one’s own home is their business. Therefore, if someone wants to raise a lazy, stupid child, they should be allowed to without interference from the government. While I respect the core of his argument and political beliefs, I do not personally agree that things should be quite so hands-off.

I suppose lots of things would be different if I was Queen of the World, though.

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